Saturday, 20 October 2012

A Sample of My Bucket List

I have been deleting some personal boards off pinterest today. One of them was about my bucket list and I couldn't beer to completely delete it, because the visuals are so powerful and *pretty* as silly as that sounds. Its one thing to have everything written down on a list but quite another to have it in picture form. Enjoy!



I'm Changing the Way I Use Pinterest!

If anyone follows me on Pinterest, you'll notice that I have a lot of pins! As of today (21 Oct 2012), I have over 6000 pins! That's just crazy if you ask me! I've decided to delete most of my pins and boards (41) and focus on quality over quanity.

For me that means getting rid of pins that don't reflect the person I want people to see me as on the internet, show pins that will help the world, that are not of a personal nature and are not repetitive.

I will get rid of boards/pins that:
-Reflect an unhealthy lifestyle/overindulgence
-Show my tastes/preferences in fashion
-Reveal my bucketlist
-Have been done over and over again
-Are pinned incorrectly
-Show the negativity I feel inside

Instead, I will save these pins in different folders on my computer and look at them in my own time. The problem with having thousands of pins is that you can't keep track of them very well and there is no guarantee they will still be online in a day from now. I am sure many of the pins I have saved have been taken offline now, so I really regret not backing them up sooner.

My boards bother me because they remind me of how much money I don't have, how unskilled I am at painting my nails, cooking and sewing, they make me feel ungrateful for the things in my life, stir up an unloving spirit of greed and jealousy, tempt me with things I don't need or didn't know about before, make me more materialistic than I was before, show people the bitterness I hold in my heart without them knowing why, make idols out of celebrities, distract me from things I can do, distract me from my real life goals, make me forget what is really important in life etc.

With the pins I collect, I will make interesting and informative blogs, develop my own style, dreams and taste in private, grow and become a better person, find interesting, insightful and funny things to share with my friends on facebook.

I also have a goal to share more of my own creations on pinterest. At the moment I've just been collecting other peoples ideas and not plugging any of my own stuff because I have been living through other people and not trying anything new myself.

It is so frustrating when you are fascinated by a picture you see on pinterest, so you click through it expecting to see a tutorial, a blog post or somewhere you can buy a product but the link doesn't go anywhere or is out of date. If you have less pins, you can keep a better eye on such things.

Life Update

Sorry I haven't written for a few months. I wanted to write on here everyday, but I'm not sure how realistic that goal was. Okay, okay, the goal was probably fine, but the problem is I have about fifty medium sized goals at a time, and no-one can keep up with that many projects...

-We have had really crappy internet. When we moved house, we had to use ''t-sticks'' for the first two months or so and those were expensive. Something like $80 for 4 gigs, and with four people using that it disappeared pretty quickly as you can imagine. We probably went through 2-3 of those a month. We just switched to another plan which is 40 gigs between midnight and midday and 7 gig for the rest of the month. We had a boy visit that likes his videos and went through the out of hours internet within a week! It has been horrible trying to refrain from using the internet between 12pm-12am. Nope, can't do it! Luckily we still have use of the t-stick but its getting cut off soon and dad's work ipad has 3g, so if there's an emergency (like we need to see the movie times or something!) we have limited access.

-My mental health has taken a sky dive. I was setting up to forty goals a month and ploughing through them, but I found I couldn't maintain that level of achievement. I ended up not being able to get anything done, feeling incredibly burnt out and getting really depressed. I've probably gone through eight periods of feeling suicidal since I last blogged.

-The lifestyle block is starting to feel a lot more like a farm and less like a deserted piece of land. We now have two dogs, two cats, eight chickens, two lambs and two kid goats. I hate it. I always thought I was an animal person but I hate the constant feeding, exercising and cleaning up after other creatures. I have enough trouble looking after myself! I enjoy animals... from afar, and on my plate! Its really funny how much I am lacking in self awareness, surely one would know whether they are an animal person or not?

-My dad was on tv for weight watchers. I've ordered a calorie guide which should be in the mail soon. My parents brought me a xtrainer for my birthday which I was originally planning on paying for. We got it cheap but had problems with the company selling it. They were nice at first then total pricks. Luckily we found someone else to fix it when we got other things around the house fixed. I'll know who to call next time. I also have a gym ball and a yoga mat which I never use. The xtrainer is getting used as a towel hanger more than as a workout machine. I'm scared my dad will be right about me never using it. We CANT have that!

-I finally feel like I have friends here. When my birthday came up I send out facebook invites to everyone within a two hour ratio of me. Four people came. Three were from my area. Everyone got on really well. One girl was from my highschool and drove eight hours to be there. Another was a family friend. One was someone I met at a Christian camp a few years ago, we came from different cities and the last was in the church/youth group I went to when I was in highschool. It was good to reconnect with people. For the last year, I've only had one person to hang out with, but now I have three. Hopefully I'll meet more people through them. I haven't found a church I'm comfortable with yet, but lets be honest, I haven't been trying that hard!

-I'm seeing a psychiatrist now. There haven't been any tears yet, just lots of laughing. I asked her about Meyer Briggs but she hadn't heard of/studied it. She knew about ennegram though. I believe I'm a type four, although I'm not sure about my wings or tritypes. She's weaning me off Epilium and putting me on something else. Hopefully I can reverse the forty or so kilo's I've put on since moving to England and getting back!

-The job search has been halted because I haven't felt up to writing a hundred million different cover letters. It does my head in. I only actually applied for fifteen to forty jobs and got short-listed twice. One day I was feeling suicidal and worn out and had spent the day hiding in my closet crying and retreating in my own space and my dad came to comfort me. I told him how stressful the work situation had been on me and he managed to change my whole attitude. He told me that most people apply for hundreds of jobs and most don't get short-listed at all. He said only about six people are usually interviewed, so if I get short-listed for twelve different jobs I am likely to get one of them. Previous to that conversation I thought I was doing terribly but apparently I'm actually doing damn well! It's funny I got called back at all because I went through my CV the other day and discovered that my cellphone number was wrong and there were multiple stupid spelling mistakes! The amazing thing is that a job agency helped me put it together so you'd think we would have found the mistakes sooner! I also have a new helper at the work agency I go to and she's been really nice. We're thinking about making a few different CVs because I'm not just interested in Data Entry- I pretty much apply for anything that sounds interesting, whether its selling smoke alarms, school photography, working in a office or doing something at the meat works. For me, I'm not looking for a career just something to get some sort of experience and make money. The CVs will cover positions for photography, data entry, childcare and data entry. Those are the sorts of roles I'm most likely to apply for. Oh, and I'm signed with two recruitment agencies now, but they don't really have any work right now. They could call me any day though!

-I ended up with a lot of money (for me) and because I couldn't remember where it came from, I kept spending it. I probably got through about $400 in three days... sheesh! Some of it was from caring for an Autistic boy for a week with my family, some was left over from my weekly payments and the rest was birthday money and vouchers. I made a list of things I needed to buy then went off in a completely different direction... my mum brought me a full length mirror because I've wanted one for a while and she didn't really get me much for my birthday (two necklaces and a cup- the xtrainer was a thought that came much later), and I somehow walked out with a beanbag... wtf? I brought a few books I saw recommended by heaps of people on Meyer Briggs forums (The Five Love Languages and Please Understand Me II), Daria Boxset, discounted soup mug, big travel mugs (holds 420mLs), two bags of dog food, worm tablets (for the dog, not me, lol) etc. I was going to buy mum her slow cooker because I FINALLY had enough money but she didn't know what one she wanted (only that it was about $130) so with my lack of self control I ended up spending the money on other things. I really needed to buy new underwear but I'll probably do that next week instead. Its probably a good thing I don't get money too often because it gets spent way too quickly- I went a little crazy. I'm sure everything will be ok. If I ever win lotto (which I won't), I'll probably have to get the money freezed for a year so I don't end up spending it all on junk. What's wrong with me? Lol. Opps.