Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Goals for August 2012

Do with Dad
() Go 10 Pin Bowling
() Go through work contract
(x) Learn what to do under hood of car
(x) Learn how to change a tire
(-/x) Talk about giveways and double roundabouts
() Learn his cellphone number
(x) Convince him to get a key cut for my car (so he'll stop using mine!) (I ended up getting one cut for him!)

() Learn mums cellphone number
(x) Buy my sister a birthday present
() Join Gym
(I) Go to church at least 3x
() Have a cake making contest with my other sister

() Apply for at least 10 jobs/Get job
() Buy work clothes (if I need to)
() Practice touch typing.
() Get a driving instructor

(x) Rearrange furniture
() Find a dressing table
() Hang things on wall
() Take photos of room and closet

() Take pills everyday
() Exercise daily
() Cleanse, tone, brush teeth and hair as needed

() Make final notes on roadcode
() Go through suggested driving lessons with parents
() Learn postcode and phone number

(x) Gym ball

(x) Catching Fire
() Anne of Ingleside
() Rainbow Valley
() Rilla of Ingleside
() The Road to Yesterday

() My nude bra
(x) My Harry Potter Books
(x) My Art History Book

() Take body measurements weekly
() Go to bed by 10pm every night
() Get down to 106 kilos
() Take photos everyday
(x) Do more gardening

I only achieved about five of my goals from last month. I think the problem is that I didn't sit down to see what I could do each day/week and I wasn't really motivated to make changes. Also, a lot of my goals weren't possible because of lack of internet. I've made separate goal sheets up for anything internet related. I've also kickstarted some of my goals by writing down my parents cellphone numbers and sticking them on the wall, infront of my computer and rearranging my furniture when I was feeling restless one night. I think the fact that it isn't even the end of the first day yet and I've achieved 3 goals already is definitely a good thing!

This month, I'm hoping to achieve a bigger proportion of my goals by getting my mum and dad involved. I'm going to write them each a letter with things I would like them to do for/with me, and I have invited them to do the same with me if they would like. I hate that goals whether they are daily things, part of a five year plan or something off the bucketlist are often dependant on other people. It makes them that much harder to achieve- what if the other person doesn't want to help you?


This morning I got up at 5am, so I was feeling a bit tired by 7am. I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and go back to sleep, but instead I made myself go through my goals for this month, and find some things to work on.

I decided I would look for my Harry Potter books and my Art History book which were packed away. I had about 30 boxes of stuff to go through, that still hadn't been unpacked since moving house, so I headed down to the second lounge/library and started digging.

It took about an hour to find my Harry Potter books, then another 30-40 minutes to find the Art History book. It was definately worthwhile, because I also found 3/4 of the Anne of Green Gables books that aren't available at the library that I was hoping to read this month, Scattergories and Scene It (board games), a skipping rope, some track pants, my Ben and Jerries icecream book, a To Do List pad that I brought years ago, a whole lot of recipes, a cook book, speakers and a cup holder with a kiwi on it.
I think I will vaccum soon, the house needs it. Then rake some leaves. I'm expecting to be contacted by some work places this week, I applied for six jobs. I've gotten one rejection email so now my fingers are crossed for interviews.

I have made some goals for today... they are:
-Write a letter to my friend, my mum and my dad
-Pick up leaves around the pool and consider doing some other gardening
-Play with the dogs
-Go for a decent sweat inducing walk
-Make a phone call
-Write out post code
-Take photos of my bedroom
-Tidy my bedroom
-Go for a driving lesson
-Read a good chunk of my book (I only have it out for a week)

Goals for tomorrow
-Send letter to friend
-Buy stickers (or something) for friend
-Buy Bio Oil or Body Butter for sisters birthday
-Buy gym ball
-Make phone call
-Go for a driving lesson
-Do more gardening, pick up rest of leaves around pool

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Make Over to the Extreme

My appearance has changed a lot in the past year. I wouldn't have realised it, hadn't I committed myself to taking a photo a day since I got my last computer. I have lost weight, gained weight, experimented with my make-up, had really long hair, really short hair, a fringe, no fringe, blonde hair, brown hair, and now, nearly black hair. To be honest, its slightly ridiculous.

Having my picture taken everyday, made me realise how few clothes I have (I had to wear them over and over) but how different I managed to make myself look every day. That wasn't done on purpose either.

Anyway, I was freaking out a bit because I am young. I want to live, do exciting things, have interesting hair, nice clothes, yada yada. These things come at a price though, and as much as I love shopping and spending money, I would like to have security for the future.

I got my hair dyed ash blonde at the start of the year. I loved it and it looked great, but the regrowth came quickly and I couldn't afford nor convince my parents to get it maintained. Six months after my original appointment, and four and a half months of bad hair, I tried to go back to my natural hair colour and unintentionally ended up with a whole new look. I don't look like ''me.'' I look way older, and I reckon the new hair is two or three shades darker than my actual hair. The hairdresser thinks it will match the future regrowth, so *fingers crossed*.

Here are some pictures of how my hair and personal look has changed in the last year:














And in the past few days...:




Thoughts/Insights I have thought of/stolen from others today

If I'm tithing and earning a small-average income, I should be able to buy things second hand, because 10% of my income to charity/church is a lot, and that money is helping others. A lot of the things at charity stores end up being thrown away. As long as you donate things when you no longer need them.

Don't buy new things until you have used everything you've got, unless there is a reason to stock up, such as extra food for an emergency. This means, if you have 10 books on your bookshelf that you haven't read and made the most of yet, don't go out and buy another book!

Don't desire things that are available to you. Make the most of the things that you are.

Instead of complaining about things that you don't like/should be fixed, come up with a list of problems and how they can be fixed instead of whining about them.

Base meals around vegetables.

Make decisions based on the long term, not on short term pleasure.

Weight things out from every angle before making decisions such as whether to eat a chocolate bar, whether to sleep in, whether to start dating or whether to get a pet. If you can think of a reason to say no, you probably shouldn't!

Don't pin anything new on pinterest until you have sorted out your current pins. Don't pin something in the future until you have investigated it properly.

Dream big, live small.

Take advantage of the opportunities that are available to you instead of trying to do big, expensive things that are near impossible.

Don't blame anyone for bad things in your life, treat it as a learning experience, see how you can become a better person and were you were at fault. We can't control others, or circumstances but we can control ourselves.

Financial/Money Advice

"More than Enough"
-Dave Ramsey-  1999

Pages 45-47

Dollars and Vision

Why do we need vision? To start with, it affects income. Studies of people who earn 100,000 or more a year and have maintained that income level for years reveal an interesting character trait. These six figure earners all think in five year blocks (or more) of time. They are very unconcerned about today except for how today is a building block towards their vision, which may not be fully realised for another twenty years. They think long term in all decisions. Six figure earners think about the long term implications of every move they make and don't make those moves unless they move them one step closer to their vision. These are happy people not because they have six figures to spend (although that doesn't hurt) but because temporary pain is just that: It is temporary. IF you think long term you become a saver and an investor. As an investor with a long-term mentality you don't panic when the market drops, because you are looking at what the market has done over the last ten years and not what today brings. Saving and investing with vision makes you rich. This is one of the reasons the rich get richer. Bad times are correctly viewed as temporary setbacks and a time to learn. You can walk through the sewage that life sometimes puts in front of you and barely notice because you have your eye on the horizon rather than constantly looking at your current circumstances.

The other side of the coin continues to prove our point. The folks at the bottom end of the income brackets who stay there tend to share the character trait of short term thinking, making decisions based on short term results. That sounds harsh doesn’t it? Well, if you think short term you rent to own your VCR and get ripped off. You pawn items of fall for these jerk cash advance businesses that cash hot checks, cash advances at 650 percent annual percentage rate in most states. If you think short term you work for the weekend and fall prey to pleasure based products that will in the end steal your pleasure. If you think short term you don't save and invest so you can't build wealth. When you think short term, if you do invest you can't leave the money alone so you end upo buying high, selling low then thinking :”I have the worst luck”. Luck has nothing to do with it, you simply shortchanged yourself by not carrying through on your vision. Short term thinking is why the poor get poorer. Those who realise this are those who don't remain poor. Mike Todd states this matter of the heart well when he says, “I have never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a state of mind.” Those who are given the gift of vision by a parent, a mentor or God start to think long term and say things like, “I am getting my degree no matter what and nothing will stop me.” And they do it.

RIP Kathryn Joosten

Kathryn Joosten  December 20, 1939 – June 2, 2012

PhotobucketI was on the Desperate Housewives board of imdb.com and I just found out that the wonderful woman who played Karen McCluskey has died in real life too! It happened at the start of last month, and after just seeing the last episode of Desperate Housewives, I am devastated.

I feel so sorry for her family and friends. I am really upset about this, and I never even met her. She was such a brilliant actress, and she had such warmth with all of the roles that I've seen her in. I remember seeing her ''dying'' in Scrubs, and was so relieved that wasn't the case in real life. I had no idea that she was really struggling with cancer. I'm so glad they made her the hero in the last episode of Desperate Housewives. I have no doubt that she was a great person in real life too.

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Me, a Christian Blogger?

I recently started up five or so blogs on blogger.com

Although I have good intentions, I'm not sure if this is a good thing. I am inspired by other Christian/Biblical based blogs on the internet, but I'm not sure that I have what it takes to launch my own ministry.

I think I have some good understanding of different things in the bible, but maybe not the whole book overall. People have said that although I might not be good as a youth leader :( I could be a great teacher or wonderful working with preschoolers (I'm assuming the ''teacher'' thing applies to all age groups *fingers crossed*. I've been told that I write good speeches, but I'm not the right person to deliver them. I'm good at giving advice. I care about seeing others get saved and love God.


Well, first of, I consider myself non denominational. I'm definitely not a Catholic or a Jehovahs Witness, but to be honest, I can't choose a church that suits me- I believe there should only be one church. I know what I believe, but I'm not sure what group actually believes the same things? I believe that everything in the bible has value and that people should seek understanding EVEN IF its written in the Old Testament- if Jesus was constantly quoting from it, surely it has some significance? I believe that everything in the New Testament is important and you shouldn't leave anything out, or forget certain things, like Baptism, Spreading the Gospel, Fruits of the Holy Spirit, Spiritual Gifts, Tithing etc. I'm not sure what individual denominations stand for, although I believe that they all do some things really well and have shortcomings in other areas. Basically, I don't believe in a perfect church, until Jesus comes back. I don't even think its possible. I believe in a church with good intentions. I wouldn't want to go to a church that considered itself perfect or ''the best''. I would rather go to a church that frequently humbles itself and listens to its congregation when there are problems. Up until this point, I have been to Baptist and Pentecostal churches, but I can't really judge because I'm not sure what the other churches pride themselves on.

I have a habit of offending people. I know it says this is unavoidable in the bible, but I like being liked. I don't have much of a backbone in some areas. I often water down my beliefs when I'm talking to people because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or give them the wrong idea. I think its a mixed blessing, because as well as occasionally hurting someone, it makes me really examine what I believe and seek answers about why God has made such rules.

I have been a lost sheep for the last few years. I regularly indulge in sin without a second thought, I'm more interested in my plans than Gods and I don't really have a relationship with God. The idea of a spiritual world scares the living day light out of me, so I avoid anything of that nature. Sometimes I talk to the Holy Spirit in my head and as I pray, but I do this a lot less than I used to.

I have idols above God. I can't help it. I want a relationship. Last time I fell for a Christian guy, it did not go well, and I was upset about it for two years straight. I think this is where I started slipping, as well as living in a new country. I have had constant rejection in my life and I don't know how to handle it. It seems like there are a lot more men I would like to date that are non Christian, because the guys I have met or been interested in have either been with someone else or extremely idealistic and picky. Potential dates seem to care more about the way I look than my personality, which is not a good starting point for a relationship. It would be worse if I was slim and beautiful, because I might have actually fell into that trap. I guess men are visual creatures, and they don't like what they see. I also tend to idolize other things- Taylor Swift, Money, Food, Friendships, Success, Popularity etc. I feel sorry for God, because he doesn't get much attention from me at all these days.

I don't go to church that often. I've probably gone to church 6-10 times this year. I have set a goal to start going three times a month, so that's a start. I would like to eventually start going every week without fail. I have my reasons, but they aren't great. I'm currently going to a Baptist church, but I would like to start going to a Pentecostal church as well. The problem is, its in a student town that I feel self conscious about walking to, a big percentage of the people there wear fancy clothes, is up to date with pop culture and are a lot ''cooler'' than me. Also, there are a lot of social events and expectations with this church and I don't think I could keep up. I want church to be a big part of my life, but not the whole thing. I still want to have time for my friends and family, hobbies, fitness and pets.

I don't know what angle to write my blog from. Should it be an advice column with articles about things I understand? Should I write about my daily discoveries and struggles? Should I write a commentary on the Christian world? I just don't know. One of the things I'm worried about is stating anything as truth or fact, then leading impressionable minds astray. At the end of the day, most of the stuff I say may just be my opinion! I'm not sure if I want that on my shoulders.

I don't know if I can even present a testimony! I've written a few in the past, but they are now out of date. My experiences as a Christian have had their ups and downs. The last few years have been somewhat bitter for me. I don't think I could say anything that would encourage anyone to become a Christian. I have been very depressed, lonely and confused for a long time. What kind of testimonial is that? I want to inspire people, not drag them down! I'm sure there must be other people in the same boat as me. God will probably understand if I wait a few months/years to write a new testimony. If I write a good one, I want it to be honest. I believe that Christianity and God is a good thing. I just don't feel like its done me much good in the last few years. Its probably because I've pulled back and haven't met my side of the bargain with praying and seeking God and all that, but still, they aren't experiences I wish to share. Maybe, in a few years everything will come together and I'll see Gods hand in all of this. I've seen God do beautiful things in my friends lives. Maybe I could talk about that?

Short Term Hiatus


I'm not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post, but I'm guessing not. We moved house recently and have been having trouble getting internet. At the moment, we're using a dongle (? is that what their called? weird name, haha!) with 2 gigabyte on it, which is not a lot, when you consider the kinds of things my family does on the pinternet. I'm a big fan of pinterest and can spend hours on a time on it, so you can imagine how much internet space THAT uses.

So anyway, we only have internet access from one computer, and I'm somewhat secretive about my blogs. I'm 22, but my family does not approve a lot of the things I share. The fact that I have a diagnosis of Bipolar II does not help, they assume that if I do something they disagree with, its because of my ''illness.'' I don't buy into that at all, I'm my own person with my own thoughts, preferences, ideas etc. I don't like everything I do being blamed on this one thing. I also dislike being treated like a 15 year old when everyone seems to post much worse things on their Facebook these days.

Being me, I still haven't made my actual point. We have had guests for the last few days, and since we only have one computer, I can only write from the lounge, where people are constantly walking in and out of. My dad doesn't have a problem with my blogs, but my mum and sisters do. The kinds of things I wrote when I was younger was a lot more personal because of the kind of problems I was having, and I must have left the browser open a few times, because they knew exactly what was going on. More recently, my sister has been reading some of my blogs and enjoying them, but when she comes across something she disagrees with or finds newsworthy in some way, she goes straight to my parents. Its not nice being tattled on when you're in your 20's.

I don't want any of these blogs to be a source of argument in my family. I'm actually hoping that some day I can share these with my family, friends, work mates, school friends etc, without worrying that I have written something that I would come to regret. That time has not come yet. I guess I need to gain some sort of credibility first.

In the past, I have used my blogs to sling dirt at people I'm angry with (not necessarily naming names or anything) or to talk about controversial things. I don't think that's a good way to make a name for yourself online, so I'm going to try not to talk about anything negative on here, unless it can help someone in some way. I could talk about people I know on here, but the only person I can really represent is myself, so I'll let others tell their own stories, if and when they feel the need. As a result, my blogs may seem self centered, but its more a case of not wanting to step on any toes. I have a reputation for being a negative person, complaining a lot, being somewhat of a perfectionist and being irritable so I'm going to try and go in a different direction with this.

If you don't like this whole ''me me me'' business, you probably won't enjoy reading this blog. I apologize for that. I wish I could share more, but I really need others permission first. With this new insight, I cringe reading auto biographies, because the way some of the authors describe people in their lives is sometimes so awful and personal- maybe those people are anonymous to a stranger reading a book, but to anyone picking up a book to support a local figure/friend/classmate/workmate etc, you can quickly work out who the real people is. I don't think its worth hurting other people to share your story.

So in conclusion, I probably won't be writing in this blog regularly for a few days. We are supposed to be getting internet on Wednesday or Thursday, so if that works out, I can blog from the comfort of my bedroom and with privacy (yay!). Until then, anything I blog will have to be done when everyone else is taking a nap.

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

The Tshirt (For ENFPs or simply, impersonators)

lpaspx lpaspx2

 I designed this tshirt because I feel like Meyer Briggs describes who I am, really well, and I didn't find anything to my liking on dazzle.com. I have this tshirt at home (cost $22 + shipping from vista print), but I wouldn't feel comfortable selling it because I got the image off google. I don't think others should be copying my pirate like behavior. I guess I was feeling lazy and wanted a tshirt straight away. I will make some tshirts available for sale too. I've already had a request for an INFP shirt, but my drawings so far have not been good. Photobucket

My Goals for July 2012

Wow, the month is disappearing on us! I can't believe we're twelve days in already, craziness!

I didn't realize this until recently, but I am a total control freak. The problem with goals and timelines, is that you often have to rely on other people or circumstances for things to happen. You are never really completely in control of your life. To some people, this might sound like a loser mentality, but I've learnt that unless you are absolutely determined for something to happen, and you want it no matter what the consequences are, its easier and more rewarding to go with the flow. We can make all the plans we want, but life finds a way of getting in the way.

If you had asked me what I would be doing five years ago, I would have said that I was doing a one year childcare course, getting shipped off to the USA for two years to nanny and explore the destination of my dreams then settling back in New Zealand to go to University and train as a primary school teacher (?).
Instead, I got five months into my childcare course, found out that I was no longer eligible to nanny to a better paying family with the course I was doing, dropped out and moved to England! Due to chronic illness, I haven't worked or studied since then, and I don't know when those things will happen for me. Around me, friends are graduating, continuing into masters programs, getting their first real jobs and getting engaged- those things were always going to happen, but my life ended up being a little less predictable than I had expected.

What would I like in the next five years?
-To get married
-To finish University
-Be well established and respected in my church
-Get paid to take photos
-Figure out what my darn ennegram type and wings are
-Have some idea of what I'm doing with my life.
-Be better travelled than I am now
-Have a Border Collie called Jess
-Know GOD's plan for me
-Be slim and fit

Those are some things I would like, but they certainly aren't expectations. I don't have a solid plan for right now. I've found that planning things for a year in advance is a total disaster for me. I need to focus on every day, week and month first and build the little goals into bigger ones.

My expectations for the next five years?
-Put on even more weight
-Develop a deep hatred for trains (you would understand if you followed me on Facebook!)
-Read lots of books
-Go back to using a windows based computer, I can't believe how frustrating Apple is!
-Decide real pets are too expensive and adopt a rock instead
-Know God a little better
-Have even more embarrassing experiences with men
-Start babysitting again, because no one else wants to give me a job

Ok, so realistically, I don't have any real expectations. I have no idea what the future holds for me, at the moment things look really bleak. I don't know if I should join some work program overseas, become a nun or start University so instead, I do nothing. The future scares me. I can deal with tomorrow or the next week or so.

So anywaaaayyy... (I told you I was long winded... you only have yourself to blame!)

My goals for July 2012
(x) Contact recommended work agencies
(x) Take 43 Things Personality Quiz
(x) Create New and Private photo bucket account
(x) Sign up for Animates membership (NZ pet shop)
() Make more notes on the road code
() Get job
() Print off directions to common destinations where I live off google maps (I just got a car, woo!)
() Sort photos
() Upload photos to photobucket and snapfish
() Start using flickr everyday
() Take photos everyday
() Clean up computer
(x) Start using blogs again
(x) Sort wardrobe space
() Back up all photos and old files up until July 2012 onto a cd
() Empty computer
() Read the last few Anne of Green Gables books
() Go through Giveways and Double Roundabouts with someone
() Find DIY mirrored vanity table with lights around edges
(x) Memorise new phone number and address
() Get down to 106 kilos
() Go bowling
(x) Buy work clothes (I have one set)
(x) Get hair cut and dyed
() Take photos of house
() Delete my tumblr and twitter accounts

A lot of these goals have been impossible because of lack of time with people, lack of funds and lack of internet. Oh and lack of self control. Why must I love fatty foods and chocolate so much?

Or I'm like, yeah, I could do that, but I don't feel like getting off my butt and putting some effort into something or asking someone for a favour. I am probably one of the most laziest people you could ever meet. At least I have a rich fantasy life. I just wish it existed outside of my head and imagination.

Website Header


I would like to purchase a blog header from this website when I have money. I think I should wait until I have been writing here regularly for two years or so first, because I am known for committing to things and then not following through. I would like to think that I would write something on here everyday, but the reality is very different.

I have a few other blogs, but I think I'll leave those. Blogging can be as cheap or as expensive as you want it to be. I may purchase my own domain at some point though.

Like Oprah.com (a girl can dream...)

So thats what I want to do...

I would like to do something like this with my blog: http://lifeblessons.blogspot.co.nz/2011/08/explore-archives-february-2010-on-life.html

Except... maybe more detailed and long winded, because, hey! thats the way I am.

Also, I don't just have one blog, I have like 5+ here, so it might be nice to wrap everything up at the end of one place, so my readers can check out the other stuff I'm writing about.

My other interests include Christianity and Jesus, Photography, Fashion and Weightloss. I wanted to keep these topics separately to avoid arguing, boredom etc. I hope this works!